No one expects to lose friends after a marriage ends. In fact one of the hardest things to accept (and that sometimes comes as a surprise) is the shifting of people, sometimes once close people, completely out of our life, that comes with a marriage ending.
People that were once friends now longer quite are - they're disappointed with you, they look at you differently, you just don’t quite fit in with them like you used to. Right up to the spectrum of you are no longer being invited to social gatherings or you have completely fallen out with each other.
Why?
It’s because most people in life don’t necessarily love us just for us. In fact very few people in life will ever truly love us unconditionally for who we are.
Most people like us for what we do for them, because we match in values or they like us because we mirror and match back to them their personal life choices and how they like to live and be viewed.
They need you to stay the same for them. And they liked you for who you were. For them.
Their world view, their life and lifestyle, their perspective on themselves stays unaltered and doesn't change just because yours does.
So when yours does not everyone is going to like it or agree. It’s an example of herd mentality and you are perhaps breaking away from the fold.
If you needed to remain a certain type of person or a certain version of self to continue receiving someone's love, friendship, support then your marriage ending is going to come as a discomfort to them.
Sometimes even a mirror or a trigger to something that they don’t want to see about themselves.
I can’t tell you how many people are living a lie or desparately trying to hold onto one ❤️🩹
Who belongs in your inner circle of “I like you for you”, is going to change for you as you step into a new level of authenticity. It will reveal who really did like you for you.
Yes, some people will leave your life or no longer be as close to you as they were.
But sometimes, once given time to adjust, the right people will shuffle back into our life and inner circle. They see you happy now and different. With time they can now see the truth of the situation, they understand. Sometimes that happens. The right people for you will get it, it might just take them a little time to accept and adjust to the new you and your new normal.
We must accept that this reshuffling comes with the path and that there are no guarantees on how others will react or respond. Now or into the future with time.
All this comes with the path of a marriage ending. We have to embrace it with an open, trusting heart to life's growth otherwise we will sit stuck in fear and never walk the path forward with as much positive expectation and trust in ourselves as is healthy and necessary to live a full, unencumbered life.
The most healing solution to this reshuffling process? Because we can't control how others react or what they will do.
To step fully into our truth, our authenticity and into our new life without hesitation. And in healthy, positive and amazing way as much possible. To be the visual proof of this was the right thing for me when someone looks at you or speaks of you.
*One of the greatest challenges is the changing landscape that comes with friendships and family after a marriage ends. Sometimes the fear of their opinions, the fear of how they will change towards you stops us from even leaving a marriage. To enquire about how is best to work with me for you please enquire privately via here to explore how I can best support you.
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