Please stop downplaying the wounds and trauma that taking emotional and toxic blows has done to your soul and spirit.
Please stop moving through life as though they’re not there.
Please stop acting like they’re not affecting your future life experiences, beliefs about yourself and choices like they are.
Because they are.
At least when someone punches you in the face there is no hiding it.
You can visually see the bruise they’ve left.
It is harder to twist, deny, turn it back on someone or downplay what has just unfolded as “not a big deal”, “why are you still thinking about that?” or even better “I didn’t say that or mean that”.
A bruise would be there for everyone, including them, to see.
Physical bruises last longer than the moment then they’re given, so do emotional ones.
If you’re experiencing emotional abuse or have experienced it in the past please don’t fall into THEIR behaviour trap of downplaying the deep affect this has left on your soul.
As someone who has experienced emotional abuse themselves personally, and who now coaches women to overcome their own emotional abuse experiences, what presents to me is a woman:
Who feels like a shell of herself
Who no longer feels capable or confident
Who second guesses herself all the time
Who has lost touch with her intuition because her emotions were so often turned back around on her
Who doesn't have a strong personal vision for herself outside of work/career goals
Feels disconnected from herself
Feels mistrusting, or on hyper-alert when it comes to dating and men now
Who is overly independent, in her masculine and closed
Sexually closed, repressed or disconnected
Who now finds herself attracting emotionally unavailable or toxic men in her love life
When I left my marriage, this is who I was too. Please take solace that your vibration can be changed, and the types of love that you attract and pursue in your life can be improved and uplevelled.
There is nothing more humbling than to realise all of the emotional abuse, harsh words and treatment that you experienced had slipped into your psyche as much as they had.
It took me several years to be open to recognise and admit to myself that this was my journey that I needed to heal from. That I couldn't skip this process otherwise I would only find myself in another relationship, the shade of the same one I'd just left.
No one gets a divorce to only find themselves back in a similar dynamic next relationship.
If I can overcome this, so can you.
Seek professional help from someone like myself who is skilled in this area, just like I had to when I left my marriage five years ago. Trying to do this process on your own, through my own personal experience and through years of working with other women, is near impossible because the trauma to the psyche is so defined that you can't see how much of your perspective is shaped by it.
A professional coach will help you to identify:
Your core wound and block that subconsciously attracted this partner into your life (it is always something bigger than what you think it is - the power of a third person perspective to see into you)
The in-balances within you that we need to heal and shift to change your vibration so you don't attract this kind of partner into your world again
Who you are now and a beautiful vision and future life path for yourself.
Please give yourself the same kindness and healing you would gift someone dealing with physical abuse.
Others may not see your bruises but that does not mean they are not there x
*In no way do I intend to downplay physical abuse or domestic violence in this post. I intend to only bring light to emotional violence which people suffer with, often silently, also.
With love x
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Carla Da Costa is a published author and certified Law Of Attraction coach based in Perth, Australia.
Carla works with women who are separated, divorced or divorcing through her private coaching practice, her online program "Elevate You" and her books.
Carla supports and inspires women to make this next season of their life, the best season of their life. Creating results in their personal and romantic love life that they couldn't create as quickly on their own, while also avoiding many of the modern world dating and relationship heartbreaks and pitfalls.
To find out more about Carla's group coaching program Elevate You to support you to create your own life path with your Queen mindset on click here. To learn more about working with Carla one on one through her Future Me program click here. Alternately you can view some of Carla's free publications here.