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The Importance Of Being In Our Feminine Energy Within

When I look around I see many women whose hearts are aching for love, attention and appreciation. Who want to attract love into their life. Women now have more opportunity, independence and choice than we’ve ever had before however we’re more unfulfilled and disconnected than ever.

This blog post is for women who are bright, self-sufficient and committed to their personal growth but who, on the whole, may feel a little hardened, burnt out and lonely. It’s for women who want to expand their tender, sensual side and who want to open their hearts and be claimed by a strong masculine presence who knows what he wants and knows how to treat a woman – whether this be with a new relationship or within an existing one. It’s for women who want to relax into expressing and owning more of who they are.

My intention is that this post will have you question everything you have been taught about what it means to embrace being in your feminine to attract love – that it will help you to make peace with softness and vulnerability so you can stop living with a guarded heart and a facade of “I’m strong and have it altogether”. My hope is that it will also help you get in flow and move away from feeling the need to push or control to make things happen.

I’m so passionate about this topic because I spent so many years cold, closed and in my head. I did not resonate with being feminine at all and I was disconnected from myself. And I was unhappy. Unhappy in myself. Unhappy in my marriage.

Being more in my masculine energy than my feminine cost me immensely - particularly in the connections I wanted to have in my life but couldn't attract or maintain.

For me leaving my marriage was the catalyst to finally be honest with myself and others that while I had acted as though everything was fine in my life, the truth was that everything was not fine and hadn’t been for sometime.

After my seperation much of my energy was spent on being self-sufficient, getting on top of my circumstances and independent. I was paying the bills, being Mum, keeping house, working full-time and building my  business on the side.

I wanted a man but I was intent on making sure the men in my life knew without a doubt, that I didn’t “need” them I only “wanted” them. But I was in deep trouble, because under the facade I was tired, I felt alone even though I was dating someone and I was disconnected from myself.

I was well and truly in my masculine energy and I showed up in that way because life, heartbreak and disappointment had shown me that love and trusting another could also = hurt, shame and loss.

Once bitten, twice shy. Carla never wanted to need a man ever again. Or rely on anyone too much.

What I’ve come to learn is how important it is for women to embrace their feminine energy in it’s healthy, unwounded feminine form. How much more fulfilled and centred we feel on the inside when we live and move from that place. How life, love and business shines differently when we do.

How hard, actually impossible, it is to change something within us that is so ingrained in us, particularly if all we've ever known or been modelled by women in our family is strong, independent or the opposite...wounded, weak and vulnerable.

What we attract changes. The love we attract. The friends we keep. The lifestyles we live. Literally everything changes when we shift into our feminine energy and integrate into our psyche.

Maybe for you it was your childhood, career, a traumatic experience, a bad relationship or three. But something took you from that innocent, free and loving feminine girl and moulded you into the woman you are today.

It’s my belief that all woman have an innate healthy feminine energy ~ simply life has made us otherwise.

It’s important to know that the balance of masculine and feminine varies in all of us. All of us flit between the two depending on the task we're knee deep in or what is on our mind at the time. And it affects how we show up and behave. This energy affects who we are attracted to, how we perceive each other, and what we draw into our lives. Where do you sit most of the time out of these four? The healthy or unhealthy masculine? The healthy or unhealthy feminine?

Since the beginning of feminism, both men and women have rejected aspects of their masculinity or femininity to avoid being perceived as the macho caveman or the dependent, helpless housewife. And this dynamic was going on in my life.

I had disowned aspects of my feminine self because I saw embracing them as weak and an invitation for someone to hurt me again. I was much more comfortable and safe being seen in my masculine persona – strong, together, independent and capable. Heaven help the guy who was dating me at the time and just wanted to love me and be there for me unconditionally…he didn’t stand a chance!

In this masculine space I pushed people away who didn’t deserve to be pushed away, and for a time I attracted men who were emotionally unavailable, who either didn’t know what they wanted or who weren’t ready. It was this experience that made me start to reflect on how I was showing up and accept that maybe it said as much about me as it did them. Damn that!

I realised that in being so independent I was attracting men who were actually being respectful of and admired my independence and they had no desire to impede on it or be there for me anymore than the space I allowed them to be.They liked that I was so overly independent and together. It meant they didn’t have to show up. I had it sorted or at least I acted like I did.

I want you to imagine for a moment a see-saw with each side equalling 50%- the two together always having to equal 100%. I realised I was overly in my masculine and out of balance, sitting high up on the top of the see-saw, let’s just say I was 80% showing up in my masculine energy most of the time. It meant any guy who sat on the other lower end of the see-saw only had space to be 20% in his masculine; he would need to be more in his feminine energy to want to sit there, to be attracted to me – not sure of himself, what he wanted, emotionally distant. The problem was those guys didn’t stay attractive to me for all that long as a result.


While teetering on the top of my seesaw I realised several things. Firstly I wasn’t moving through life as the woman I wanted to be and knew I could be – I was tired of doing it all, the sex was lacklustre up there, connections and love with others never felt genuine and deep and on top of it all I felt like a fake behaving like it was all good when it wasn’t. Secondly, I realised that I would need to lower my side of the see saw closer down to 50% for me to enjoy the life and love I wanted.

And as I did so, dropping into and embracing more of my feminine side and energy, the men who I started to attract, who started to show up and take a seat on the other side of the see saw started to change.

I dropped down on the see saw and they lifted up. Men in a healthy masculine place who knew what they wanted, were respectful, who wanted to see me happy and fulfilled now had space and were choosing to sit down and stay sat down on the seesaw. 

Why is it important that we get to this place if we want love and happiness? Because we want a life and love that fills up our cup over one that empties it. For women this is when we feel our most content – we feel loved for all the wild parts of us, heard and safe, we have more spirit and energy when we’re in this place of balanced feminine energy on the seesaw. And men in their balanced masculine energy sitting in front of us feel their full selves – appreciated, needed and free.

A woman living in her feminine energy longs to connect with what’s around her. She wants relationship. She thrives on be'ing more than she does doing. She wants love and to be loved.

I have a well developed masculine energy – I love to succeed in my business and be the driver of my life, and I enjoy life when I accomplish my goals.

However, my deepest longing is for intimate relationships and connection. I am happiest when I am predominantly in my feminine energy. Life without those two things might look successful on the outside but it would feel empty on the inside.

When I was honest with myself and got out of my own masculine way, admitting without shame what was missing in my life, was when I began to invite it in.

This is where I now ask you to truly feel into what the real cost has been to your life and relationships to show up in the way that you have and believe what you have up till now. And to feel into it without downplaying the cost to self – relationships, genuine connection, passion, tenderness and slaps on the arse, company, warmth, a life that feels genuine and whole. Everything you’ve not enjoyed and are not enjoying right now.

Because for as long as you are more in your masculine energy you will continue to attract men more in their feminine or keep men in their feminine and you will feel dissatisfied, tired, like you are carrying everything and everyone. Burnt out in your life.

What has living in your masculine energy more then your feminine energy cost you in your life and relationships?

If you would like to understand how to heal and integrate your feminine and masculine energies within you due to childhood conditioning or relationship trauma please join my 'Rising Beyond Separation & Divorce' program here.



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