My divorce is the choice I made in my personal life that cracked me open and my life.
And from that crack first fell out sadness, grief, loss, hurt and disappointment. But also from that crack fell out joy, love, happiness, authenticity and a freedom to be me.
I have no regrets.
Ending my marriage in 2016 is the best decision I ever made for myself despite it upsetting and disappointing many, despite the amount of change it started for others around me, including myself.
Imagine being my ex-husband and being divorced to me!
First she leaves you, then she writes a book about how getting a divorce is the best thing she ever did and then she goes on to live her best life, coach other women who are navigating the journey, go on TV and radio multiple times talking about divorce and then she writes another book on the topic.
I am the gift that has really kept on giving for him!
That he never asked for!
And I am truly grateful to him for many reasons on this matter. For tolerating me better than many men could post our divorce. In no way is our relationship perfect, but still I am grateful to him because my feelings remain the same.
I don't regret our marriage. But getting a divorce was the best thing I ever did for myself. It cracked me open and my life.
My ex-husband free to be himself.
Myself free to be me.
All that was required of me was to fully divorce the version of self that I had been before our marriage and during it so I could experience completely different and new in my future. To divorce the patterning, the mindset, the behaviour, the beliefs, the how I lived my life.
Not just a little bit but fully divorce those things. That's been my success. That is my clients success too. Because if we don't do this what happens...? We cycle. We cycle over a shade of the same things, just with different people and different bodies.
Actually in the end, if I look back, leaving my marriage was the easy part.
It was the years thereafter journey back to myself, layer by ugly layer that I had to look at and undo that was the harder part. That is the actual journey I now know after many years of coaching women through their own undoing of all of the above.
I was more in my masculine energy than I realised.
I was wounded.
I didn't believe in myself.
I took a lot of validation from being in a relationship and from being chosen.
I was fearful of my financial future as a woman no longer married with someone to catch me and save me.
This is many of my clients journey's also which is why I put my own self-growth journey into this step by step program for them. I'd already walked the path. I knew exactly where my clients needed to go before they even knew. (You can explore it here, it is currently open for enrolment).
And it always runs much deeper than you thought it had to go or needed to be. Every time I see this for women. There's what she thought she needed to heal and work on AND there's what she really needs to heal and work on.
There is no greater truth than to tell you just how much lighter I felt in myself after making that decision that my marriage was over. To fully accept it and move forward on that decision.
And there is no greater truth than to tell you just how much I’ve been able to evolve into a better version of me since leaving my marriage in 2016. And to fully acknowledge that I couldn’t be who I am today if I had stayed in my marriage.
My marriage would not have been able to expand to embrace it.
And I had to leave my marriage to step into this place because I’d chosen my marriage for the wrong reasons in my 20’s like so many men and women do not realising that they did.
From the start the foundation to our marriage was off. And so our marriage was never able to embrace or celebrate growth. It needed us to stay in our woundedness, fears and I’m not good enough/capable enough without you thinking to maintain it staying together.
And as soon as I stepped out of the mould of who I had been when I came to the marriage in my 20's. As soon as I started to grow, and began to wake up to myself, wanting to be a better version of self, a woman not a girl, then so did my marriage start to really fall apart. In big ways, that could no longer be ignored, or downplayed.
But let's not bullshit ourselves.
There had been many things that weren’t ideal and that hadn’t felt right from almost the start of our relationship. But, like for many adults, things weren’t that toxic that it had stopped me from continuing to eat from the compromise pie that so many of us do to keep the peace and maintain what we have for the greater good of all and because it's smart and it's right to do.
I well and truly had my blinkers on, until one day I’d eaten so much from the compromise pie that I couldn't take another bite and I couldn't even bring myself to look at the pie anymore. Let alone take another bite.
You can still feel grief, sadness and loss when a marriage ends and at what you hoped it might have been AND it's ending can still be the best thing that ever happened to you.
My marriage ending and divorce was the start of my real happily ever after.
It definetly was not the end. It was the birth of the real me that I have grabbed with both hands and continued to embrace grabbing, continuing to do the inner healing work on to reach the point that I'm in today.
I have transcended every lesson I needed to have that has been presented to me in life since leave. I have not stayed stuck or cycling in anything. I did not waste energy on the falsehood of time heals or everything works itself out thinking - if you don't change then nothing changes.
I don’t regret marrying my ex-husband. He played his part in my life journey. I’d marry him again. But I’d divorce him again too.
*To step into an empowered confident version of self that is healed, aligned and on point on the inside (I don't care about the outside and how you look, neither does the Universe or Law Of Attraction either) then please explore my Rising Beyond program here.
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