Why Do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners and Situationships?
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners or ending up in situationships, the pattern is rarely random. It is usually connected to attachment wounds, fear of intimacy, or seeking validation instead of secure love. When you heal emotional unavailability within yourself and raise your standards, you stop being available for half-committed relationships. Change starts with self-responsibility, not better luck, not by treating dating like a numbers game, not by waiting on someone's hopeful future potential.
If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners or finding yourself in situationships that never quite become real relationships, you are not alone. And you are not unlucky.
This pattern is far more common than people like to admit out loud. In today’s dating world, many connections begin with intensity and chemistry but stall when it comes to emotional depth and commitment.
I know this pattern personally. I lived it between 2016 when I left my marriage up until 2020 when an almost 2 year relationship ended with an emotionally avoidant ghosting me, basically out of the blue. (For context we were in a blended family, committed relationship right up until our end. I thought this man was my forever person at the time).
What I did not realise at the time was this: for much of that period, I was emotionally unavailable too.
Not in an obvious way. I wanted love. I said I was ready. I believed I was open. But underneath that, I was guarded. I was still carrying wounds. I still feared being hurt again. And that energy was shaping who I chose and who chose me.
Emotional Unavailability Is a Pattern, Not a Personality
Emotional unavailability and situationships are not random experiences. They are patterns.
They usually point to one or both people not being fully healed or ready for something emotionally deep.
It can look like:
• Not fully believing in lasting love anymore
• Feeling guarded about letting someone in
• Avoiding vulnerability while craving connection
• Seeking attention and validation instead of intimacy
• Wanting closeness but fearing commitment
These patterns do not make you broken.
They reveal where you still feel unsafe in love.
Why You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners
From both personal experience and years of working with clients, this is what I know.
It is rarely just about the other person.
When you consistently attract emotionally unavailable partners, it is almost always connected to your own unhealed patterns playing out in real time.
You attract from who you are on the inside, not from who you present to the world.
If you are still carrying emotional wounds, you will often attract someone carrying similar wounds.
If you are emotionally unavailable in subtle ways, you will likely attract someone who mirrors that.
If you need attention and validation to feel worthy, you will attract someone capable of giving you just enough to keep you engaged, but not enough to feel secure.
Your unhealed wound becomes the hook.
Why Situationships Feel So Intense
Many people confuse intensity with connection.
Emotionally unavailable dynamics often feel:
Intense
Magnetic
Uncertain
High chemistry
Emotionally charged
When your nervous system is used to inconsistency or unpredictability, it can interpret that emotional spike as attraction.
But chemistry is often familiarity. If love felt inconsistent or hard to secure as a child, your body may associate that feeling with desire. Calm, steady, emotionally available love can initially feel unfamiliar. Even boring.
That does not mean it is wrong. It means it is unfamiliar.
The Part That Requires Self-Responsibility
This is where real change begins.
If you keep attracting this love pattern, part of you is still available for partial love.
Ask yourself honestly:
Are you confusing attention and being desired with love?
Do you truly value yourself, or do you need someone else to choose you in order to feel worthy?
Does a part of you still fear being hurt again?
Are you waiting on someone waking up to seeing your worth and value?
True intimacy requires you to be comfortable being fully seen.
It requires you to choose yourself first. To love yourself more than you do another.
It is not waiting on someone’s potential to choose you.
It is not pretending you do not want something serious while secretly hoping it will evolve.
That is not emotional maturity. It is self-abandonment in the hope of being chosen.
Healthy love requires firm standards. It requires self-worth. It requires you to address your own unhealed patterns instead of only noticing them in others.
How to Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners
You do not break this cycle by finding a better person.
You break it by becoming unavailable for what no longer aligns.
That means:
• Building emotional security within yourself
• Healing the wound that seeks validation
• Raising your standards without apology
• Refusing prolonged ambiguity
• Stepping back when someone is inconsistent
• Walking away when someone cannot meet you
Clarity, consistency, and emotional availability are not luxuries. They are the minimum.
When you stop chasing potential and start choosing alignment, your dating life changes.
Not because everyone else shifts.
But because you do.
You Are Not Cursed in Love
You are not destined for situationships.
You are being invited into growth.
When you heal the part of you that accepts half-love, you stop entertaining it.
And when you stop entertaining it, you create space for something deeper, healthier, and mutual.
If you are ready to break this pattern, the work is not about blaming your past. It is about taking responsibility for your present.
If you are recognising yourself in this, it is time to break the cycle.
No more almost.
No more almost-relationships.
No more almost-commitment.
No more almost-love.
My 21 day activation, No More Almost, begins on March 8th. Join me inside HERE.
This is focused, direct work on your attachment patterns, emotional availability, self-worth, and standards. The shift starts with you.
If you are ready to stop entertaining half-love and start choosing alignment, join us here.
Your patterns change when you do.
That is where your power lives.
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